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Friday, January 22, 2010

Magical control

I just found out my astrology. I had never gotten that into it before. Probably because I just learned my sun sign which is Aries and it didn't totally feel like me, so I didn't take astrology that seriously.

What I recently learned is that I also have a Moon in Pisces and Virgo rising. So that explains a lot. I found this article that makes a lot of sense about how these signs work together. Sun in Aries and Moon in Pisces are like opposites. I have a dual nature. The moon sign is kind of like our default setting. So that is why I never felt like an Aries the way people describe Aries to be.

Having a Moon in pisces, as my default setting is to be passive and sensitive, picking up on all the emotional energy from people around me and the energy from my environment in general-plants animals, buildings. Then my Virgo nature analyses and passes judgement on this environment I am so emotionally connected to. Then if its a yucky environment, like how most American cities are, I get angry and or depressed, because, I feel infected and violated with all the ugliness and all the negative emotional energy from the people around me. Conversely, I am also really deeply moved by beauty and also very intellectually curious about it. Like what makes good Architecture? What social conditions make people happy instead of so depressed and hard looking?

(Right now, as I sit in the Library there is this really annoying big fat homeless guy that keeps grunting. His really disgusting energy has filled a large area and I feel infected by it. This reaction is a combination of Pisces and Virgo energy.Virgo can be very negative and judgemental. So my innate sensitivity causes me to connecto with this man's aura, without really wanting to. I really would prefer not to. But I am like a sponge, by default. So then I feel repulsed and violated. Then angry and resentful. I need to activate more Aries energy.)

What I would like to do now that I understand these Pisces and Virgo tendencies is bring out my Aries energy more. I need to do things. Be active. Exercise control over my environment. Take back my sovereignty. I am enjoying Tim's article on Sovereignty, but I feel he is understating how much influence financial hierarchies of control exercise over the business of daily life. I think he is presenting an ideal picture to strive for, rather than reality. Ideally all Percieving centers in the universe should work together and through negotiation create a meaningful harmonious consensus reality. Maybe he is plugging into the Tao. Maybe he sees the Tao.

So from what I understand from reading Lao Tzu is that nature is perfect, try to change it and you just fuck it up. So you have to adopt this zen like state of non-action or whatever. (Half the time I strongly suspect the whole "enlightenment" thing is a bunch of bullshit.)

But I see a bunch of fucked up shit going on in the World, because no one seems to be just trying to connect with this flow Lao Tzu was talking about. So then instead of beauty and harmony, you have all this clamour and ugliness.

So my conclusion, is that I should definitely not just get into this flow. The flow has been fucked up. I mean seriously, people go with the flow all the time and end up in jail, pregnant, an addicted to meth,if That's the environment they were born into.

Maybe if I lived in a perfect World I could just flow passively along, emotionally connecting with all the beauty and intellectually analyzing it with my mind and just be happy. Because that is my tendency.

But what I want to do is activate my Aries energy.

That is what a Sun sign is. That represents your conscious self. Like Gurdjieff said, "conscious evolution must be conscious." And that is what Tim's articles have been about since he took some significant turn in his life, when he stopped suffering and got on the theme of Self mastery.

I may not really have a disagreement with Tim. There is plenty of beauty and elegance in the World. You might think its so far gone, but then you notice it all around you, in even the smallest things. At times the world does seem to be perfect.

But at the same time there is something about my personal development that requires me to take control of my environment and exercize my will. Is the World Perfect without me? If so That would imply I should take no action, otherwise I would mess it up.

Maybe the World could be perfect but too many people have taken action and fouled it up, so now I am forced to take action to counteract the deleterious effects. Strikes me as a bit self righteous on my part to think that.

Does the world need me? If so that would imply my willful action is required to maintain the world, possibly improve upon it. To me that seems like hubris. But maybe Joe Rogan is right. maybe we are just bacteria eating a sandwich.

Either way, taking action, gives me something to do and makes me feel better. It feels good to set goals and accomplish them. Do things I enjoy.

I really suspect it could be the case that the Universe is built to run optimally on sovereign beings exercising their free will and that this is a natural enfoldment;tual state of per a purposive of evolution. So aren't there yet. But we are all called to consciously act to bring about this eventual state of perfection and harmony.

Right now my goals are modest. I want to make money and support myself as a creative person and not have to be a wage slave. I don't need to be rich, but It would be nice to be able to afford the internet and not have to go to the Library and be with so many smelly obnoxious homeless people.

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