So much weird powerful shit has been going on in my life lately in relation to this girl I recently met. I want to maintain an bit of a barrier of privacy. But there is heavy, heavy Karma between us.
So anyway, I am not 100% sure of what the difference is between our Soul and our Spirit. But I think Spirit and Higher self are analogous.
Anyway, I got a really strong glimpse into my Higher self. I found the following article helpful in sorting this out:
Solar and Lunar Spirituality and the loss and return of the World Soul
Solar mythology reflects an immense change in human consciousness, the formulation of an entirely new perception of life, one where, as technology advances, nature becomes something to be controlled and manipulated by human ingenuity, to human advantage. It had a dramatic influence on Greek, Hebrew, Persian and Christian cultures. The imagery of opposition and conflict between light and darkness, good and evil pervades the Old Testament and other mythologies. As people move to cities and cities become states, and as more and more men are conscripted into armies which obey a warrior leader, the cosmic battle is increasingly projected into the world: a fascination with conquest and dominance possesses the psyche and leads to the creation of vast empires (Assyrian, Persian, Greek, Roman). It is as if the heroic human ego, identified with the solar hero, has to seek out new territories to conquer, has to embody the myth in a literal sense. The terminology of conquest and dominance still influences our own modern culture with its focus on the conquest of nature, of space, of our enemies. It is as if we have been conditioned by this powerful mythology to think only in oppositional terms – victory or defeat - never in terms of dialogue and reconciliation.
Solar mythology is, above all, the story of the heroic individual. In the West, it has been the driving inspiration behind the Promethean quest for freedom, justice, knowledge and power. A major theme of solar myth is escape from the bondage of the body and ascent to the light and, by association, release from the bondage of mortality and ascent to spiritual enlightenment. In the West, we find it first in Plato in his metaphor of the cave. It carries with it the human longing to go beyond all constraints and limitations, to reach higher, progress further, discover more. It is overwhelmingly male because the male psyche has been the dominant influence in many cultures over some 4000 years and it is the achievements and discoveries of exceptional men which have inspired other men. A strong sense of self and a focused ego, that was ultimately identified with the conscious, rational mind, can be acknowledged as the supreme achievement of the male psyche during this solar era. But the voice of women who were denied access to education, the priesthood and the healing profession was silenced.
So my Spirit is very very Solar. I mean hard core. I have the spirit if this really old really tired Warrior, like an old tired King From a long line of warriors that conquered the World and grew really weary from it.
Real lack of Female energy there. Totally Apollonian and not Dionysian at all. Bishop, Judge, Massive Land owner, Celibate. Totally Autocratic and Warlike. Self Righteous, Terrifying.
Its been hard for me to get past this really heavy Karma.
So, anyway, I came back to Earth to find some healing and balance from this. Early on I knew what I wanted and what I came for.
Our essence is strong before we are seven years old. So what was I into?
So what did I do when I was 18? I joined the Army.
Then when I was 21 I became sexually Chaste and gave up drawing and dedicated myself to training for the ministry. I married a woman I wasn't in love with. I wanted to have sex, so I chose a thin, severe, practical rigid woman, based on the qualities I thought would be valuable as a wife on the Mission field.
So I failed at that, dropped out of Bible College due to marital problems got excommunicated and divorced.
So that's good.